That which I cannot tell him, rather. The lie I would have given him in its place. He knows my heart and mind too well, and there is little I would ever hide from him.
I fear this is worse than the secret itself. I told him that I would tell him when the time was right, and I have his trust enough that he will not pry before then.
I have made miscalculations I know, simply ones worse than I had previously anticipated.
Oh, it is hardly your fault. I knew that part of me wanted to free myself from this state of untruth that I live in. I had thought maybe you would tell him outright in a fit of irritation or somesuch. And yet...
Here is a... life lesson, perhaps. If you would not want another to know some detail, do not allude to it. Creating that element of mystery is naught more than blood in the water.
Look. If it would be easier for me to tell Hades about you than for you to do it yourself, I will. But you might have to actually tell me to, instead of just hoping I'll lose my temper with Hades.
I mean, I get it, I *do*. Sometimes it's easier and simpler to manipulate people than to ask. But if you want to to make *sure* something happens, you have to be upfront about it.
"I want you to look into my eyes so that I know you are not misunderstanding me. If you tell him, under any circumstances, if you allude to it again, if you even make him think about the secret I keep from him—"
His smile grows wide and just a little unhinged— "I want you to truly consider for a moment that the man I mentored before you is Emet-Selch."
"I understand," he says, and if there's the slightest note of hysteria to his voice... well. Hythlodaeus is very good at what he does.
(Part of him, the part of him that's somehow maintaining enough presence of mind to think, no matter what Hythlodaeus' cheerful menace is currently doing to him, observes that Hythlodaeus is very good at what he does and Steven wants to be able to exude that much palpable menace with a smile someday too. But that's a much smaller part of him than the rest.)
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no subject
What did you think you'd need me to corroborate on, anyway?
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That which I cannot tell him, rather. The lie I would have given him in its place. He knows my heart and mind too well, and there is little I would ever hide from him.
I fear this is worse than the secret itself. I told him that I would tell him when the time was right, and I have his trust enough that he will not pry before then.
I have made miscalculations I know, simply ones worse than I had previously anticipated.
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I. Shit. I *am* sorry. I thought I was doing so well at keeping your secret and then I let it slip that there was a secret at all.
I suspect I might be one of your miscalculations.
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Here is a... life lesson, perhaps. If you would not want another to know some detail, do not allude to it. Creating that element of mystery is naught more than blood in the water.
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I mean, I get it, I *do*. Sometimes it's easier and simpler to manipulate people than to ask. But if you want to to make *sure* something happens, you have to be upfront about it.
Immediate Video Call
"I want you to look into my eyes so that I know you are not misunderstanding me. If you tell him, under any circumstances, if you allude to it again, if you even make him think about the secret I keep from him—"
His smile grows wide and just a little unhinged— "I want you to truly consider for a moment that the man I mentored before you is Emet-Selch."
"I will take you apart, piece by piece, Steven."
Re: Immediate Video Call
"I understand," he says, and if there's the slightest note of hysteria to his voice... well. Hythlodaeus is very good at what he does.
(Part of him, the part of him that's somehow maintaining enough presence of mind to think, no matter what Hythlodaeus' cheerful menace is currently doing to him, observes that Hythlodaeus is very good at what he does and Steven wants to be able to exude that much palpable menace with a smile someday too. But that's a much smaller part of him than the rest.)
no subject
"Good boy, Steven."
He lets out a sigh. "Be sure to purchase a bag of semolina for our next lesson. I have some work to do, I will speak with you again soon."
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"Semolina. Right."
He cuts the video feed first, then shoves the gear into his pocket. Buries his face in his hands for a moment.
Holy shit.