hythlodaeus: (Default)
hythlodaeus ([personal profile] hythlodaeus) wrote2020-06-08 02:41 pm

IC INBOX




original code

"Oh? Yes, how can I help you?"

fingersandteeth: (done)

Re: Immediate phone call

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-07 08:25 am (UTC)(link)
[He sighs.]

You're not wrong. He'd been low-key pissing me off the entire conversation, but somewhere around the moment he chose to lecture me on the glories of polygamy, it start to get really fucking frustrating.

I mean Jesus Christ, I'm not in a monogamous relationship because I don't understand how poly works or that it's a legit way for people to conduct their love lives. I'm in a monogamous relationship because that's what my boyfriend expects of me. It's the same goddamn reason he is in one—and obviously chafing at it and taking out his frustrations by badgering me.
Edited 2020-08-07 08:25 (UTC)
fingersandteeth: (stoic)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-07 08:56 am (UTC)(link)
You did. And you're right, I get stupid when I get angry. It's just—

[He sighs.]

I don't know. I really don't. Honestly, maybe he does have a point—what are you even doing hanging around me, anyway? I'm sure as hell not the smartest person in our circle of acquaintances and I'm sure that there are other people that if you confided in them, they would be able to give your situation the sympathy it deserves. Armin would make a much better confidant than I would.

[Maybe it wasn't just the part where Hades had started lecturing about the glories if polygamy that had gotten to Steven.]
fingersandteeth: (relaxed)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-07 09:23 am (UTC)(link)

So it's mostly that you want someone to teach and I'm the person that's willing to learn. That-- makes sense, I suppose.

And-- yeah. I have. But I don't know how accurate they are. I mean, considering they considering loving men a mental illness for some time.

[He worries his lower lip between his teeth before he says,] Psychopathy. Maybe. If I'd have to pick anything from those books. But I really don't have a formal diagnosis, Hythlo.

Edited 2020-08-07 16:08 (UTC)
fingersandteeth: (harmless)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-08 10:51 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know. Part of me likes the plausible deniability inherent in not having a proper diagnosis.

[Was that meant to be a subtle insult towards humans? Steven doesn't know anymore. God, he's so tired. Sinnoh can't come soon enough.]

But-- off the record and unofficially, what would be your best guess?
fingersandteeth: (inform)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-08 06:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Because then it would be on record, which means that it could be leaked to the public somehow and it would destroy my career and my life. Same reason I was in the closet back home as far as my public life went--because I was a public figure, if only a local one.

[He's quiet for a moment.]

I'm not here. But... I do want to get on the air again someday. So-- I do kind of still want to stay away from official, on-record diagnoses. But I'd be okay with you informally diagnosing me, I guess.

... what is yours?
fingersandteeth: (harmless)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-08 07:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Right. Anti-Social Personality Disorder is the umbrella term for a couple things, including psychopathy and sociopathy. I'm... not surprised. By either diagnosis. Or the depression one, honestly.

[He's quiet for a moment before adding,] My little sister's autistic, technically. I mean, she's extremely well-socialized, so it's hard to tell for most people, but. [He sighs.] And I'm pretty sure my dad is as well, because she takes after him in a lot of ways, except that she's a lot more gregarious. But we get that from our mom.

Well. It's no wonder you and I get along, then. All the ways our minds aren't alike are still ones where I'm used to people with minds like that.
fingersandteeth: (harmless)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-09 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
Well. My dad's a computer programmer. Lives and breathes code. He's-- quiet a lot of the time, until you get him talking about things he cares about and then he'll just-- talk and talk. It's nice, really, just to let the words wash over you. I always assumed it was part of the social contract to let the people you care about just-- talk at you like that. Because they'll let you do the same.

Um. What else. He's brilliant. Like really good in his field. He's a good person. Kind. Thoughtful. But-- awkward sometimes. Mom interfaces with people for him.

He likes science fiction. He can't cook normal things in the kitchen--well, I can't do a lot either--but he can barbecue things on an open flame. He's got a moustache. Glasses, too. I get my shitty eyesight from him and my build--Durantes are all big and solid--even though I get my pretty face from my mom. None of that has anything to do with helping you cope with society.

My little sister... Charley...

She's dead. [He lets a shaky breath out.] Sort of. I met her from the future during the weird weekend. She-- lingered on, as a spirit. Eventually I'll see her again. She says she's going to haunt me as long as she's allowed to.

Charley's just-- wonderful. She's not always great with people, but she's so sweet and earnest and caring... and she's smart too. She's downright brilliant. And creative. And super willing to experiment. And I just--

I miss her. So much. It's-- better now that I know she's-- a ghost, that something of her lives on. But I still do miss her. And I wish she were here with us.
fingersandteeth: (earnest)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-09 05:31 pm (UTC)(link)
She has to be summoned, but she's got this friend, Shinobu, that can do that. And I think my future self was learning how to do it too.

Anyway, they'd both-- well, mostly they needed to get away from everyone. Go somewhere quieter and just-- either lie down and not do anything for a while or lose themselves in a project. They both had hobbies, you know. Dad did pyrography--that is, wood-burning? And Charley did all kinds of things. Cooking. A lot of textile work. And writing. She was good at writing fiction, which I've never been--such a strong imagination, a real ear for dialog--she had some really great shit, both original works and fanworks. I even beta-read some of the fanfic when it was a fandom we shared.

But, I mean, the important thing for them is that they had some space to just-- get away from everything. And time to not force themselves to pretend to be normal people. That's why I told you that you don't have to force yourself to do normal people facial expressions and shit around me. Because while you don't really pretend to be a normal person, not exactly, outwardly emoting for other people does still count a little for that? And acting all the time is fucking tiring, even if it's something you do as easy as breathing.

I think with people like us--people with minds which are fundamentally different from other people's--whether it's what I have, what Charley has, or both of those--we just... need some time and space sometimes where we can be ourselves without pretense. Be psychopaths or autistics or-- or cognitive constructs brought to life. Because pretending to be someone you're not is so goddamn stressful.

That's what I didn't, couldn't tell Hades. That you come to hang out with me because I know who you are. I mean. He's right. I don't know Hythlodaeus of Amaurot at all. I don't-- have the kind of grasp of his fundamental character that years of familiarity and love has given Hades. But I know this you, the you that you are now, the you that's helping me get my head on straight, the you that's actually deeply worried and messed up because he came to life when he wasn't supposed to, that loves his ex-boyfriend enough to make friends with a guy he should by all rights hate just to make peace and--

Look. I don't know Original You. But I like You You, Hythlo. I like this version of you a lot. And-- fuck. I don't know. You can always be yourself around me, okay? I don't care how alien that is. Everyone deserves space to be themselves.

[There's a moment of silence.]

Sorry. I didn't mean to go all friendship speech on you like that. But I do mean it, Hythlo.
fingersandteeth: (smile)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-09 06:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Well yeah. Because then you'd have to explain about being Construct Hythlodaeus and then he'd be a dick about it, because you probably wouldn't count as person to him anymore and we all know what he's like when he doesn't think people are people. And even if he did decide you're a person, he'd still be a dick, because he'd be hurt you didn't tell him before.

And-- well. You probably were in Amaurot. Or more likely, you were like Charley, whose normal girl face is more like... acceptable eccentricity face. Not full-on normality, but the kind of kookiness that people aren't bothered by, because it's cute and harmless. She had this whole Manic Pixie Dream Girl thing going on. The kind of weirdness that almost doesn't count.

But. Well. Different worlds and different societies have different behavioral standards. So here you're less Acceptable Eccentric and more... Full On Weirdo. Sorry.

... but, well, that probably explains why I was pretty chill about being around you before you told me you were Hades' buddy and I had a tiny panic attack over it. And why as soon as I pushed past my fears and gave you a chance, I started to really, genuinely like you. Because... well. I honestly and genuinely love hanging around people like you? Like you and Charley and Dad. It's-- nice. Familiar. Homey. Good.

[Steven smiles, even though Hythlodaeus can't see it. Maybe he can hear it in his voice a little.]

You should meet Entrapta. She's another one like you guys. I knew it the first time she posted on the network. That's why I jumped at giving her the lift from Olivine to Azalea. I think you'd find her refreshing. I know you're more of a biologist than an engineer like her, but I'd still like to watch you two together.
Edited (punct) 2020-08-09 19:05 (UTC)
fingersandteeth: (stoic)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-09 08:06 pm (UTC)(link)
I know! Fuck context--she's delightful! You guys definitely need to meet.

And-- uh, no, sorry. 'Manic Pixie Dream Girl' is... it's the name for a sort of stock character in fiction. Film mostly. They're silly and quirky and girl-y and sweet and playful and they mostly exist for the depressed male protagonists to fall in love with and experience personal growth through loving. A lot of the time they don't get any backstory or interior life in these narratives. They're just-- there.

Anyway. Charley's version of pretending to be normal comes off a lot like your Manic Pixie Deam Girl stock character. It's easier for her to be like that instead of forcing her to act completely normal--but it's still an act, you know? And it does lead to the men in her life treating her like she's that stock character, that she's just there to make their lives magical and teach them how to love again. It's why-- it's why I get so protective about her when it comes to boys. Because it's really hard to trust that they do respect her as their own person and aren't just-- using her, I guess. Especially with how easily she gives her heart away.

[He makes a frustrated huff of sound.]

She did it with Hades, you know. Over the weird weekend. A lot of things are fuzzy, but Charley telling me about meeting him on the beach and having a fun afternoon together, almost like a date and just-- God. I'm so glad he's not really interested in women, because if he'd used my little sister to feel better about life and himself the same way those college boys did--

I mean. You know. Not that I can do anything. Not with the treaty. But I'd be very bitchy about it to you at the very least. Because Charley's been hurt by boys who treated her like their own cute little incarnation of personal growth. Badly too.
fingersandteeth: (relaxed)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-09 08:26 pm (UTC)(link)
Not here. She's-- not in this world. She only came for the weird weekend. Back in our world...

She called them the Shadowlands. Stygia. I think it's where the dead that don't, can't move on stay. But she also said that with her friend Shinobu to summon her, she was staying around his place and mine a lot.
Edited 2020-08-09 20:26 (UTC)
fingersandteeth: (relaxed)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-08-09 08:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh. Right. She's mostly traveling around with Winter, who's her companion and bodyguard and best friend. They'll go to a city and he'll take some work to get them funds and she'll explore around and eventually they'll travel to the next one. They're both breeders, I think? Entrapta definitely is.

Currently, though, they're both here in Goldenrod and probably will be until the Sinnoh Trip. Not sure about after.
Edited 2020-08-09 20:51 (UTC)

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