hythlodaeus: (Default)
hythlodaeus ([personal profile] hythlodaeus) wrote2020-06-08 02:41 pm

IC INBOX




original code

"Oh? Yes, how can I help you?"

fingersandteeth: (paper)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-12-09 04:37 am (UTC)(link)
*Oh*. Shooting straight for a menage a trois, then. Good luck.

And yes. I *know*. The older I get, the more I'm willing to admit what a fool I am about men. I can be reasonably clever about anything else, but when a man turns my head, I start to lose it. When my heart gets involved, I become very stupid indeed.
fingersandteeth: (upfront)

[personal profile] fingersandteeth 2020-12-14 06:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Besides *not* sell myself so cheaply?

[The replies after come one at a time. He's definitely putting some thought into them.]

*Listen* if someone tells me that there's something wrong with how he's acting. I didn't listen to Maya or Angel about Jack--I didn't listen to *Lydia* and she's one of my best friends--and that definitely came back to bite me in the ass.

Check myself for dependency--both emotional and economical. I don't ever want to feel as trapped as I did that last month with Jack.

(Relatedly: make sure he's doing the same. I don't want to trap him. I don't want to *be* someone like Jack for him. He's had affairs and fuckbuddies before as a soldier in the Galra space navy, but I don't think he's ever had a proper relationship before. I want to be good for him.)

And tell him straight out that I *will* be attracted to people outside him and that it doesn't mean I care for him any less or want to leave him or cheat on him--it just means I have a high sex drive and men are attractive. Given that the last time we saw each other in person was me cheating on Jack with him, this might be a delicate needle to thread, but hopefully I will be up for it.

And most of all... I can't ever be anyone *but* myself, with all that implies, around him. More than anything, I have to be *honest* with him from this moment forward. I got into this by deceiving him, by sneaking into his dream and letting him think his mind had conjured me up. He forgave me for reasons that I will never understand, other than he's spent most of this autumn being quietly in love with me and not saying a thing.

With Liam, I tried to present myself as an entirely different person. With Jack, I lied by omission all the time. I can't, I won't, do that with Thace.
Edited 2020-12-14 18:39 (UTC)