[He knows. He knows Hythlodaeus is dead and gone, but he could...restore his soul. He could...gift it with the memories lost, maybe...selfish as it may be to do such, yet.
He does not speak, does not utter a single word, instead he grips Hythlodaeus tightly, nestling his face against him. As bidden, he weeps against him, silently and with dignity. The dampness of Hythlodaeus' yukata and the light shake of his shoulders are all that implicate him.
How long has it been? When did he last have a moment to mourn all he has lost--has he ever? How ridiculous that a man who can recall everything else struggles to recall if he's ever had the selfish moment to grieve the loss that has spurred him mercilessly forward.
His words have abandoned him, and it's for all the better. He could not suffer the indignity of how piteous he would sound if he chose to speak at all in this moment. So, instead he stays in Hythlodaeus' hold, greedily taking in the comfort he's offering. Perhaps he can allow himself this one concession, for his heart yearns for it like a starving man might a meal otherwise denied him.]
[He dares not to release him from his grip, though he continues to shift his hands to rub his back and guide him down to sit in his lap as he folds his legs on the ground. He pulls him back ever so slightly, kissing his brow. He wipes away a few of his tears, though he knows that will do little to make them yield. Not that he wants that— This is sorely overdue as it is.]
We will find a way through this. Together. Do you trust me?
[He tucks Hades' head under his chin, gazing into nothing and breathing steadily.]
[How he moves is less like there is thought behind it, more like it's a matter of instinct and habit. To follow Hythlodaeus' gentle guidance and comforting lead, to rest upon his lap, to lean into his form. It's true, the tears are quick to replace those wiped away, like the many mortal lives lost in the restoration of something more permanent...
This feels. Right. As it should. As it was always meant to be, yet there is an ache that does not and will not quit, even now as he hears, feels, and thinks of Hythlodaeus. His breath far from steady, but he releases no whimper, no sound beyond the quaver of the breaths themselves.
That is, until he speaks. Barely above a whisper, strained like it itself was carrying the burden that has bowed his back for his ages, fragile like glass.]
Of course I do. I have always trusted you. I always will trust you...
I love you, Hades. I won't allow any force or circumstance in this universe to leave you alone again.
[He hates that it sounds like empty platitudes, though he does not waste his breath with such a thing. But there is little he can do about that in this moment. With any sour luck, Hades is too upset to scrutinize his words.]
...So please, rest. Allow me to carry your burden for a while and deliver you from this.
[He presses his spread fingers against his scalp, rubbing slow soothing circles against him.]
[The words are comforting, and were he not in the throes of his own emotions, he might have caught the deeper meaning behind that. Instead, he allows the warmth it brings to encompass him. To love and be loved...it seems like such a mundane thing, yet at times an unattainable need.
So, instead, he keeps his face tucked against Hythlodaeus, his eyes closed tightly as tears continue to trail down his cheeks. He's tempted to take Hythlodaeus' offer, but part of him resists it, a larger part of him that cannot abide by the idea of giving his burden to someone else. But for now, for this moment he can suffer it.
Leaning into those circles being rubbing into his scalp, he speaks softly.]
For now...for a time. But know I will not abandon my duty... I cannot, not fully...
Thank you, Hades. I know better than to expect that. [There's no bite to it, of course. It is simply the truth.] I merely wish to heal you, for a while.
[He releases a breath as he shifts his arms, Hades' only warning that he's about to move— And he holds firm, bringing Hades up with him as he stands.]
...You can cancel your plans today. Let me care for you.
[He gets a small nod, but then Hades' entire body goes rigid as he realizes what he's doing when his arms move. His expression goes from the soft expression of mourning, to stunned and flustered surprise, made all the more ridiculous by the redness of his face and the tears in his eyes as he stares at Hythlodaeus.
...but a moment later it softens, even though he might be trying to maintain that look of irritation. Yet, he finds himself resting his head against his shoulder, his forehead resting against Hythlodaeus' neck.]
Oh very well, if I must. You certainly seem adamant about it, and like me, unlikely to be persuaded from your path. Really, what choice do I have?
[...Right. The whole...reason he came to confront Hythlodaeus, he really has a talent for dodging things. Just like how Hades is going to dodge that question about the lullaby entirely. It has been some time since he's heard Hythlodaeus sing, and while he misses those dulcet tones of his, he cannot properly engage with the idea of Hythlodaeus singing him to sleep.
At least not at the moment. He wipes at his eyes, and audibly sniffs as he tries to further collect himself.]
...You did well to distract me from the topic, was that your aim? How underhanded...but yes. I will allow you to spoil me, and then we will speak of the matter you so expertly dodged, you knave.
It was not my aim, how silly it would be for me to bring it up again so soon if it were. My actions have purpose, have you gleaned it?
[ He slides open the door with his foot and brings him into the bathroom. He kneels seating Hades on his lap as he fussed with the tap. He sets the water nice and hot as he continues to hold Hades with one arm, bracing him as if he’s too precious to touch the ground.]
Perhaps I flatter you in assuming that you might have felt some measure of guilt in sidetracking the conversation, or maybe I am merely fooling myself into believing that aught you do could ever be uninvolved in an overarching scheme.
[As if he has room to talk, really. He feels ridiculous being held like this, and yet...he feels loved. Cared for, like his worth is not intrinsically tied to his capabilities and servitude to his people, but who he is to Hythlodaeus. Which has always been the case, but it certainly can be a difficult task to believe otherwise when for eons your toils have robbed you of such individualism.
As he watches the water, he goes to give Hythlodaeus a hand—after all he doesn't need to go into the bath in his house robe—yet he hesitates. Remembering the scar that adorns his body now, and he's not entirely certain what to make of it. What Hythlodaeus thinks of it...
So, instead, he continues on with the conversation, his hands resting on the front of his robe in a manner that does not suggest the comfort he'd like the gesture to be read as, but instead looks a little tense and awkward.]
I can only assume you wish to better understand Dirk to attempt to communicate with him better, ergo you will be better able to assuage my burdens, yes?
Of course, yet... I wanted you to be allowed space to feel your emotions. You’ve endured something terrible in your absence.
[ He places a hand over Hades’ and looks down at him as his hand slips beneath his robe, touching that scar tissue for the first time. He eases his robe open and traces it with his fingers. ]
To lessen your burdens and to ease my own mind, as well. To be forced to control myself as I have... I can only do so if I know that your needs are being met.
[Hades' breath catches in his throat as he feels Hythlodaeus' hand touch his scar, his heart pounding in his chest. Unconsciously, his jaw tightens as he feels every fiber of his being throb at the idea of Hythlodaeus meeting his needs, and with the emotional state he's in...
Wide, golden eyes flick up to meet Hythlodaeus' own, and there's a war of emotion behind them. However, after a few thoughtful blinks, his expression turns to something solemn and guilty.]
...I agreed to let you spoil me, but I did not agree to that. My needs are being met—well enough.
[Honestly, he has been with far worse lovers than Dirk, and for all Dirk might be reserved in some aspects, he cannot say that he is left wholly unsatisfied. Their relationship is still in its infancy, and Dirk is young yet. It'd be cruel to expect him to match up to Hythlodaeus—it'd be cruel to expect anyone to contend with Hythlodaeus in that regard.]
I am teaching him. But I am teaching him at my pace, not yours. If you wished for his learning to be expedited in such a fashion, mayhap you should have taken him into your bed, hm?!
[He sounds a bit exasperated, and maybe he is...especially with Hythlodaeus' too-warm hand on his chest, that heat seemingly transferring to his face as he stares at him in defiance and vexation...but there is a tinge of affection behind it.]
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[What was going to be an indignant laugh turns into a surprised choke of a sound as Hythlodaeus so suddenly undoes his robe. Naturally he attempts to save face, trying to focus on the conversation, and not how exposed he feels. Of course it's not an unappealing feeling of exposure, but it is one that can become troublesome very quickly if he isn't careful.]
Is this your grand scheme? To bed him—so then by extension you may bed me?
[Hades watches as Hythlodaeus undresses him with such practiced ease it's nearly comical, more impressed by his self control than anything else, however. His gaze travels from the sight of the removal of his underwear, and the gentle bounce of his not-as-flaccid-as-it-should-be phallus, to Hythlodaeus' smile.
He'd prefer if Hythlodaeus didn't notice that detail. But he is not foolish enough to believe he didn't.]
You are right, it is almost silly with it's lack of complexity, but there is something to admire in simplicity. [He almost seems as if he's outright ignoring the question, before he finally adds:] He is rather breathtaking. His body is sculpted rather beautifully, and while it has its fair share of scars, they do not detract from his allure.
Rather, they inspire curiosity, whisper hints of tales he does not share—even in moments of intimacy. Allowing the mind to wander, to fill in the gaps of their origin, of the life he's lived, the struggles he's endured. A visual splendor of his unique existence.
...Do not think ill of him, Hythlodaeus. He might be temperamental and fragile, but for a life as short as his, he has weathered far more than one should.
[...Wow, there's certainly a lot here, isn't there? First, the warm droplets being dripped onto his semi-erection earns Hythlodaeus a severe stare, but no further comment is made at the act. How could he say anything when the last part of what Hythlodaeus says floors him.
That scowl? Now an owlish stare.
That silence? Now a baffled and indignant laugh.
He pats Hythlodaeus' cheek, tilting his head as he examines his face, his eyes seeking out Hythlodaeus' own.]
Perhaps it would not ordinarily vex me so, but his priorities are so sorely scrambled that he cannot even recognize this. I could extrapolate further, but the importance is this:
A man’s pride should lay between his lover’s thighs, not his own. I can speak from experience that your pleasure is its own reward.
[ A matter of principle. ]
He can take you into his mouth anytime he wants, and he’s decided the amount he wants to do that is none and never.
He does pleasure me, Hythlodaeus—but you are not...incorrect he has never taken me between his lips. Though, I cannot help but wonder if this is less about my pleasure, and more about your satisfaction. As you said yourself: my pleasure is a reward, one you have gone without for some time.
[His hand is still on Hythlodaeus' cheek, and he gently strokes it with his thumb as his eyes scan his features with a gentle smile.]
But blame him not, I have simply not requested such of him. Mayhap he is merely intimidated to act on his own without my guidance.
Then guide him. ...And guide him soon. If he refuses, then I will take his place.
[ He turns his head to kiss his palm as he secures his arms around Hades and lifts him into the tub. It’s entirely unnecessary, of course... but he likes watching this. The way the surface of the water gives, the escaping bubbles, the light upon his skin, the way his cock floats for a moment before he’s fully submerged. ]
[Well, if that didn't send a jolt of arousal and warmth through him, then nothing would. He's blessed that Hythlodaeus would mercifully put him in the water, that the buoyancy hides the fuller effect that kiss, lift, and threat has on him.
The sigh and slight shudder to it could be from the heat of the water, and how relaxing it is over his skin, but truly it's from Hythlodaeus' words. The cloudiness of his mind as his mounting arousal tortures him. And it does torture him! To be so emotionally vulnerable, to be held so lovingly, to be cared for like this, doted upon...appreciated...
It makes his very soul mourn the man before him, as if it weren't already, but ever more does it now. Unbidden he places his hand on Hythlodaeus' arm, his pale eyes seeking Hythlodaeus' own as he wordlessly speaks the affection and love they both know, they both feel. It takes everything within him to keep from pulling the man forward, to keep from capturing his lips with his own.
...to keep from reaching down and grabbing the evidence of their shared arousal made all the more clear from his new position in the water.]
I shall be certain to do just that. Little would I wish for you to feel so compelled to take me so.
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He does not speak, does not utter a single word, instead he grips Hythlodaeus tightly, nestling his face against him. As bidden, he weeps against him, silently and with dignity. The dampness of Hythlodaeus' yukata and the light shake of his shoulders are all that implicate him.
How long has it been? When did he last have a moment to mourn all he has lost--has he ever? How ridiculous that a man who can recall everything else struggles to recall if he's ever had the selfish moment to grieve the loss that has spurred him mercilessly forward.
His words have abandoned him, and it's for all the better. He could not suffer the indignity of how piteous he would sound if he chose to speak at all in this moment. So, instead he stays in Hythlodaeus' hold, greedily taking in the comfort he's offering. Perhaps he can allow himself this one concession, for his heart yearns for it like a starving man might a meal otherwise denied him.]
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We will find a way through this. Together. Do you trust me?
[He tucks Hades' head under his chin, gazing into nothing and breathing steadily.]
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This feels. Right. As it should. As it was always meant to be, yet there is an ache that does not and will not quit, even now as he hears, feels, and thinks of Hythlodaeus. His breath far from steady, but he releases no whimper, no sound beyond the quaver of the breaths themselves.
That is, until he speaks. Barely above a whisper, strained like it itself was carrying the burden that has bowed his back for his ages, fragile like glass.]
Of course I do. I have always trusted you. I always will trust you...
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[He hates that it sounds like empty platitudes, though he does not waste his breath with such a thing. But there is little he can do about that in this moment. With any sour luck, Hades is too upset to scrutinize his words.]
...So please, rest. Allow me to carry your burden for a while and deliver you from this.
[He presses his spread fingers against his scalp, rubbing slow soothing circles against him.]
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So, instead, he keeps his face tucked against Hythlodaeus, his eyes closed tightly as tears continue to trail down his cheeks. He's tempted to take Hythlodaeus' offer, but part of him resists it, a larger part of him that cannot abide by the idea of giving his burden to someone else. But for now, for this moment he can suffer it.
Leaning into those circles being rubbing into his scalp, he speaks softly.]
For now...for a time. But know I will not abandon my duty... I cannot, not fully...
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[He releases a breath as he shifts his arms, Hades' only warning that he's about to move— And he holds firm, bringing Hades up with him as he stands.]
...You can cancel your plans today. Let me care for you.
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...but a moment later it softens, even though he might be trying to maintain that look of irritation. Yet, he finds himself resting his head against his shoulder, his forehead resting against Hythlodaeus' neck.]
Oh very well, if I must. You certainly seem adamant about it, and like me, unlikely to be persuaded from your path. Really, what choice do I have?
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I’ll draw a bath for you and rub your shoulders. Perhaps... even a lullaby. How long has it been since I’ve sung for you?
...And when you are ready, we will discuss your little boyfriend. I will need you to help me understand him.
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At least not at the moment. He wipes at his eyes, and audibly sniffs as he tries to further collect himself.]
...You did well to distract me from the topic, was that your aim? How underhanded...but yes. I will allow you to spoil me, and then we will speak of the matter you so expertly dodged, you knave.
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[ He slides open the door with his foot and brings him into the bathroom. He kneels seating Hades on his lap as he fussed with the tap. He sets the water nice and hot as he continues to hold Hades with one arm, bracing him as if he’s too precious to touch the ground.]
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[As if he has room to talk, really. He feels ridiculous being held like this, and yet...he feels loved. Cared for, like his worth is not intrinsically tied to his capabilities and servitude to his people, but who he is to Hythlodaeus. Which has always been the case, but it certainly can be a difficult task to believe otherwise when for eons your toils have robbed you of such individualism.
As he watches the water, he goes to give Hythlodaeus a hand—after all he doesn't need to go into the bath in his house robe—yet he hesitates. Remembering the scar that adorns his body now, and he's not entirely certain what to make of it. What Hythlodaeus thinks of it...
So, instead, he continues on with the conversation, his hands resting on the front of his robe in a manner that does not suggest the comfort he'd like the gesture to be read as, but instead looks a little tense and awkward.]
I can only assume you wish to better understand Dirk to attempt to communicate with him better, ergo you will be better able to assuage my burdens, yes?
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[ He places a hand over Hades’ and looks down at him as his hand slips beneath his robe, touching that scar tissue for the first time. He eases his robe open and traces it with his fingers. ]
To lessen your burdens and to ease my own mind, as well. To be forced to control myself as I have... I can only do so if I know that your needs are being met.
uh nsfw topics
Wide, golden eyes flick up to meet Hythlodaeus' own, and there's a war of emotion behind them. However, after a few thoughtful blinks, his expression turns to something solemn and guilty.]
...I agreed to let you spoil me, but I did not agree to that. My needs are being met—well enough.
[Honestly, he has been with far worse lovers than Dirk, and for all Dirk might be reserved in some aspects, he cannot say that he is left wholly unsatisfied. Their relationship is still in its infancy, and Dirk is young yet. It'd be cruel to expect him to match up to Hythlodaeus—it'd be cruel to expect anyone to contend with Hythlodaeus in that regard.]
uh nsfw topics
I must insist that you impress upon him how lucky he is to have a lover such as you.
...And it is your duty, as the older man, to teach him how to please you as I did to you so long ago.
[ Otherwise he would have to take him back. Since, really. He might not have a soul, but he was now confident that he was a better fit. ]
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I am teaching him. But I am teaching him at my pace, not yours. If you wished for his learning to be expedited in such a fashion, mayhap you should have taken him into your bed, hm?!
[He sounds a bit exasperated, and maybe he is...especially with Hythlodaeus' too-warm hand on his chest, that heat seemingly transferring to his face as he stares at him in defiance and vexation...but there is a tinge of affection behind it.]
Probably some level of nsfw the rest of the way down
[ His hand slides down to the sash and he pulls it open unbidden. ]
It would be more appropriate for him to learn from me, wouldn’t it? We prefer the same role.
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Is this your grand scheme? To bed him—so then by extension you may bed me?
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[A smug smile works its way onto his face as he shamelessly tugs his underwear off his hips. But he behaves himself otherwise as he said he would. ]
How beautiful is he, fully undressed?
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He'd prefer if Hythlodaeus didn't notice that detail. But he is not foolish enough to believe he didn't.]
You are right, it is almost silly with it's lack of complexity, but there is something to admire in simplicity. [He almost seems as if he's outright ignoring the question, before he finally adds:] He is rather breathtaking. His body is sculpted rather beautifully, and while it has its fair share of scars, they do not detract from his allure.
Rather, they inspire curiosity, whisper hints of tales he does not share—even in moments of intimacy. Allowing the mind to wander, to fill in the gaps of their origin, of the life he's lived, the struggles he's endured. A visual splendor of his unique existence.
...Do not think ill of him, Hythlodaeus. He might be temperamental and fragile, but for a life as short as his, he has weathered far more than one should.
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I, too, love a good mystery as you well know.
[ He dips his hand in the filled tub to test the heat, then lets the hot droplets drip over his cock, though calling no further attention to it. ]
Yet you have more clues. What in that past of his do you think makes him shy from oral pleasure?
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That scowl? Now an owlish stare.
That silence? Now a baffled and indignant laugh.
He pats Hythlodaeus' cheek, tilting his head as he examines his face, his eyes seeking out Hythlodaeus' own.]
...Really. Why does this plague you so?
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A man’s pride should lay between his lover’s thighs, not his own. I can speak from experience that your pleasure is its own reward.
[ A matter of principle. ]
He can take you into his mouth anytime he wants, and he’s decided the amount he wants to do that is none and never.
[... And indignant jealousy. ]
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[His hand is still on Hythlodaeus' cheek, and he gently strokes it with his thumb as his eyes scan his features with a gentle smile.]
But blame him not, I have simply not requested such of him. Mayhap he is merely intimidated to act on his own without my guidance.
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[ He turns his head to kiss his palm as he secures his arms around Hades and lifts him into the tub. It’s entirely unnecessary, of course... but he likes watching this. The way the surface of the water gives, the escaping bubbles, the light upon his skin, the way his cock floats for a moment before he’s fully submerged. ]
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The sigh and slight shudder to it could be from the heat of the water, and how relaxing it is over his skin, but truly it's from Hythlodaeus' words. The cloudiness of his mind as his mounting arousal tortures him. And it does torture him! To be so emotionally vulnerable, to be held so lovingly, to be cared for like this, doted upon...appreciated...
It makes his very soul mourn the man before him, as if it weren't already, but ever more does it now. Unbidden he places his hand on Hythlodaeus' arm, his pale eyes seeking Hythlodaeus' own as he wordlessly speaks the affection and love they both know, they both feel. It takes everything within him to keep from pulling the man forward, to keep from capturing his lips with his own.
...to keep from reaching down and grabbing the evidence of their shared arousal made all the more clear from his new position in the water.]
I shall be certain to do just that. Little would I wish for you to feel so compelled to take me so.
[That's a fucking lie, but...]
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